Shannon McIntyre - Why Can't I Write?

3:23 AM

Creativity is my home. It is my place of safety and joy and love. In my creativity, my home, I am fully myself. I have no pretense. No effort is spent to satisfy expectations. Every service given there is an act of loving generosity, never felt as an obligation or burden. At home I know I will always be taken care of.

I left home years ago to “make my way in the world”, because I thought that’s what grown people should do. I struggled and fought, and the harder I worked the farther from home I got. The life I’ve scraped up for myself is not easy, or joyous, or harmonious. No, it’s exhausting, and frustrating, and lonely. I dream constantly of going home!

Why don’t I go? Home is such a beautiful memory. The thought of home gives me comfort and hope, knowing there exists that one place where I can be free. So why don’t I go?

Because I am afraid. Because I’m afraid to return to my birthplace and find that my house has been knocked down and my family is gone. For then there would be no hope, and then I would truly be lost.

3:41 AM